Holding Space: Cultivating Presence in Teaching and Life

Holding space refers to the act of being fully present with someone else, without judgment or distraction, so that the person can share their experiences and perspective.

Many of the most profound experiences in my life have come from the capacity of the person that i’m with to “hold space” for me. It seems like this might be a given, that every time you engage with someone they are holding space for you, but in actuality that is not true.

Why Holding Space is a Practice

Holding space, is a practice in itself. As one of my teachers taught me, it’s learning to put your own “stuff’ in the bleachers so that you can be fully present to the person in front of you.

It’s putting down the phone, letting go of the urge to respond, or to offer advice…..and most importantly releasing your own agenda to allow your self to witness the person in front of you fully.

Learning to hold space, takes conscious effort to remain fully present. It takes practice.

Any like anything that takes practice, we won’t be perfect at it….today….tomorrow …if ever……because we are human beings having a human experience.

Holding Space as a Yoga Teacher

As a yoga teacher, its the capacity to hold space for your students that makes them feel at ease, and “safe” to show up and be themselves whether they can stand on their head or whether they remain in child’s pose for the duration of a class.

It’s this balancing act of guiding a class through an experience and remaining open to all the different people, bodies and experiences that are unfolding right in front of you.

For some, like myself, holding space comes a little more naturally than others. I’m not often the one to fill space with words and actually find comfort in silence. For others who may struggle more with the urge to not respond, or to not offer advise our own personal practice comes in handy to witness these desires and begin to work through the discomfort of even holding space for ourselves.

Regardless if you are a yoga teacher, or just a human here are my top 3 ways to show up for people, in a way that is authentic, fully present and with unconditional positive regard (a concept developed by humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, refers to the practice of accepting and valuing a person without judgment or conditions, fostering an environment of trust, growth, and self-acceptance.)

3 Ways to Show up For People:

1. Be Honest: If you’ve had a shit day, or life has thrown you every curveball known to man, and you don’t even know how you are going to get through the day….today is likely NOT the day for you to hold space for someone else. And Yoga Teachers, this may be controversial but I wholeheartedly believe that sometimes it is better to sub out your classes on these days than to attempt to hold space for others when you aren’t capable.
   
2. Practice: Having a meditation practice and learning how to not become attached to our thoughts can help us be present to others, combined with being really aware of your own breath only helps to anchor us in the present moment. And when you slip up, when you offer that piece of advice, or chime in with a rebuttal or want to relate to them in a “i’ve been there too way” – because you will – make note, put it into the bleacher section to work through later….and if it slips out before you can do that, make a mental note that it happened and allow yourself the opportunity to reflect upon why after.
   
3. Ask Permission & for Clarification: We know what they say about “assume”, so that reminder that it’s okay to ask the person in front of you for clarification on what they are explaining….using a phrase like – “correct me if i’m wrong, i heard you say……”, and ALWAYS ask permission…..are they looking for a sounding board, advice, or something else altogether.

When someone truly holds space for you, it creates (I believe) the opportunity for deep connection and profound transformation – both on and off the mat.